Hat tip – Ilona

Just about the only thing good you can say about the Brits is they had the good sense to colonize India and then giving enough of them visas to introduce decent food into London.

On to my picks:

Ugly women
Sure, Japan and Russia are the only legitimate claimants in the G8 to being hot women superpowers, but the English are running an insurmountable deficit. And, they’ve got the nerve to elect these things to prominent public office! Managed democracy 1, England 0.

Haven’t invented anything since radar
There’s nothing like an invention of necessity. When their ass was literally on fire, they invented the radar to save them from Nazi bombing raids. But ever since WWII, nothing.

Hugh Grant
The man known for solidifying the popularity of the romantic comedy genre through Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill, Bridget Jones’s Diary and other such schlock. Of course, the first step in righting this grievous wrong is executing Mr. Grant by guillotine.

Royal family
No better argument against the Divine Right of Kings could possibly be made than the English royal family. Clearly, God didn’t select this inbred, dull-witted and horrendously ugly clan for anything.

Harry Potter
Why does every single famous novel coming out of mainland Britain tap the Rated G Fantasy genre? We’re talking CS Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien and now J.K. Rowling. It’s gotta be the sex. They’re afraid of it. Their inbred Victorian sensibilities won’t let them touch it with a pole. Hey, sorcerers, knights and princesses want to reproduce too, don’t you forget it. And the initials…is that like a coat of arms thing?

Bob Geldof (This one has my full support)
Along with colonization comes responsibility. And one of those responsibilities is keeping musicians like Bob Geldof down.

Joan of Arc (my absolute favorite)
England never apologized for forcing Joan of Arc to stay a virgin before burning her at the stake. Their total contempt for the Universal Human Right to get laid at least once left Joan with a burning seat, and no way to get release. G-8 membership should be contingent on reparations paid to the shepherds of Lorraine, who missed out on such a hot chick, with unknown consequences to the DNA.

No independent foreign policy
The whole point of the G8 is bringing the world’s most powerful countries together to solve the world’s problems. But since the UK is guaranteed to parrot whatever the US recommends, they’re not worth the jet fuel they’re gonna burn flying to Pulkovo. The last time the Brits did anything without the nod from the US was the Cod Wars with Iceland. Way to throw your weight around, guys! Except they lost. A volcanic rock with a population of a quarter million that’s thousands of miles from anywhere bested the Royal Navy.

Most famous living Brit is Austin Powers
There are several things ominous about this statement. First of all, when it comes down to it, Austin Powers is a not a Brit, but rather a Canadian pretending to be British. Second, Austin Powers is a fictional character. As a rule, G8-worthy countries should have notable citizens who actually exist in the real world. Third, while the first movie in the series is watchable, after that the quality nosedives like Russian women post-35.

Most Brits admit they put their lips around fags daily (If you cannot get the pun, too bad)
And it doesn’t even bother the straight ones. While our British readers read the above statement and nod their heads in silent agreement, the civilized world isn’t ready to condone this harmful and unnatural lifestyle. Ingesting whitish substances just isn’t cool. While many bars in America, Canada, Italy, and other countries have regulations preventing “fag smoking” on their premises, England has been slower in instituting such laws.

Stephen Colbert brings you a special edition of the Colbert Report, right from the White House Correspondents Association Dinner. Now if you’ve been anywhere near the USA, you will know this will be a great laugh.

You have to hand it to GW (Bush) though – he’s being sarcastically insulted, and takes it well. You have to hand it to the Americans. They have Fox News, but they also have Comedy Central (thank god). They know their humor and its a pity we miss it outside of America.

My apologies to all my German friends.

Thanks to Kaushik Pattnayak.

This amendment allows individual cantons to “authorise the general opening of shops for up to four Sundays per year.” Yes, thats right. Swiss shoppers can regale in going to the store four times a year. Wow. That’s once every season!

If you don’t live in Switzerland, you have no idea how big a deal this is. After all, it was only in 2005 that the Swss allowed trading at train stations and airports.

Just over 50 per cent of voters – predominantly in seven urban regions – approved the legislation, with 49.4 per cent voting against.

What next? Work past 5pm? God forbid, no!

The event did not spark World War III, nor create waves in the local media. Most Swiss, it would appear, consider it perfectly natural that their soldiers get lost occassionally. Nor were they worried about any untoward incident. As the Army spokesman explained, “the troops were armed with assault rifles – however, they had no ammunition.” Whew, that’s a relief!

Nevertheless, this is serious business. Switzerland, after all, has an army of a quarter of a million men, underground bunkers in every apartment block, secret communications rooms under roads, and armored safe houses scattered around the countryside. The IHT put it in perspective, and is worth a read: A Wartime Scenario, starring unlikely Swiss.

This month I picked up India After Gandhi: The History of the World’s Largest Democracy by Ramachandra Guha. Guha goes back into India’s birth – and construction – to propose that “the real success story of India is not economic, but political” – of a persisting aspiration to, if not complete ability to provide, pluralism, equality, and secularism. Guha is, no doubt, helped by the exciting subject of his book, but through the first section he has also proven himself to be an engrossing writer. I have only read the first chapter, of India’s formative years, but this is clearly a book that every Indian must read to understand the immense achievement of the country’s founding parents (fathers?), and the immensity of the responsibility they left us with.

Finally, a series of books has been reviewed by Guha himself and provide perspectives lacking from the complete foreigner or Indian. These are The Clash Within: Democracy, Religious Violence and India’s Future by Martha Nussbaum, Planet India: How the Fastest-Growing Democracy is Transforming America and the World by Mira Kamdar, and Inhaling the Mahatma by Christopher Kremmer.

Guha is justifiably proud of India’s achievements, and painfully aware of its failings. He appreciates the positive attention India is getting from these authors, that claim that “India has much to offer to other nations” or that “no other country matters more to the future of our planet than India.” Yet, rather than bask in the glory Guha cautions against great expectations:

The western writers of the 1960s warned their readers that India was a losing proposition, the laboratory, as it were, of failed experiments in democracy and nation-building. On the other hand, some writers now insist that India must get it right if humanity in general is to get it right. India must show the world how to combine growth with equity and sustainability; India must also show the world how best to negotiate the delicate balance between faith and state. Admittedly, to be treated with contempt and condescension was not very nice; but to be burdened with these great expectations is not very comforting either.

The title suggests the subject matter is full of contradictions – just how exactly is the rise of India “strange”? Those apparent contradictions are explained so well that Luce makes my job of recommending this book easy. If you can read only one book on India, make it this one.

This is a book about Indian society, politics, and economy. But it starts with history – specifically, the history of post-independence India. Gandhi and Ambedkar are mentioned briefly, but it is Nehru that receives the most attention. To him, Luce ascribes three enduring legacies – secularism, democracy (through universal franchise), and socialism. The first two proved to be propitious for India; the last still retains a vice-like, often tragic, grip on the masses.

In this history lesson, no topic is taboo. Luce expends considerable ink on the caste system, using it to explain contemporary Indian politics. The rise of India’s lower castes in politics — and in general — is used to explain much, such as why the state cannot be blind to the identify of its citizens, and how caste politics is countering the economic forces of homogenization resulting from upward mobility and economic interaction.

On international relations Luce looks at “the triangular dance” of the US, China and India – both externally (discussing nuclear politics and energy security) and internally. India may be a key state in the years to come and is better asserting its powers today, but he concludes its rise is not yet fully assured nor its diplomacy fully able to grasp the “argument of power”. Regardless, on the economic front at least, he avoids seeing India’s rise as simply a numbers game.

Rather, he suggests India chooses stability (through the exercise of democracy) over numeric growth. He is not critical of that choice, saying that “India challenges us to provide a clear definition of what we mean by development, which is usually taken to mean economic prosperity and little else. Should it not also mean giving people significant choices in how they express themselves?”

For his many accolades, Luce can often be critical too. In a rare moment of sweeping generalizations he says:

The rest of the world could learn a lot from India, among which tolerance, the management of diversity, and the rooting of democracy in a traditional society loom large. If world trade were to be conducted purely in cultural products, then India would have a thumping annual surplus. But India continues to lack in practice – if not in principle – the basic condition of genuine citizenship — [Equal citizenship] in practice falls far short of the claims it [the constitution] makes.

Such statements should not be swept aside, least of all by Indians. For while Luce is an observer par excellence, and this is an exceptional book about India, it is a book for India too. It may be humorous (India is described as both a “functioning anarchy”, and a “lorry on twelve wheels”), but the challenges it identifies for India’s future are very real. The last chapter ends with a discussion of four – poverty, environment, HIV/AIDS, and protecting India’s liberal democracy which “along with the talents of its people, is the most precious asset the country possesses”.

Luce’s extended analysis suggests that Indian concepts of ethics, social construction, and political economy have their problems and often cause inequities that prevent India from achieving its destiny. But he also accepts that the west does not have a monopoly on ideals of modernity, admitting even that it can coexist with tradition.

In dealing with that contradiction, Luce still manages to do what no other western observer has been able to do – view India through a lens uncolored by western conceptions of liberalism, secularism, or development. If this book had nothing else to offer, that itself would be sufficient to recommend it.

Reproduced and revised from BlogCritics.org

Now, bicycles are definitely the only way to travel in a city like Zurich. I left my old one in Geneva but with good weather and summer here, it is time to get my wheels again. So, I head tomorrow to the Bike Exchange.

This is a rather organized system of sale/exchange of old bikes. Anybody can bring their old bike and sell it and anyone else can buy it. The next one is tomorrow, May 12 in Glattpark, just outside Zurich (in a place called Opfikon).

These things happen several times a year all over the country. For a full schedule, and a “how it works”, see Pro Velo Suisse, the organizers.

On the other hand, the Zurich Bar Association was very happy and sporting about it, and their other team did much better, finishing 482nd. Meeting some of my running mates after dinner proved that not all lawyers are like they tell you they are!

I’m waiting for photos, but must admit running flat out for 13km, half uphill, isn’t what I do everyday. Time to start training for next year.